Champagne Room

I was having a conversation yesterday with someone about celibacy and abstaining from sex. The conversation didn't get super deep, but it let me know some more about the person I was talking to. It also made me think about myself.

I'm "celibate", but I feel as if there should be an asterisk next to that. It started off as just me not having sex after the last time I engaged in it, probably because I felt weird about the experience. And then it turned to, "uhh, so nobody wants to have sex with me??" to where I am now, which is, "I'm quite good on sex. For the moment."

Before I had sex for the first time my goal was to wait until marriage. Obviously that didn't happen, but I feel as if I'm in a similar mindset right now. I don't want to wait for marriage, oh no, but I do want to have meaningful sex. My sexual life is very short and surprises people who learn my 'number', but within that I've learned what I do and do not expect out of sex.

I've had meaningless sex. It isn't a great thing. I mean, there's a reason why it's called meaningless. I've also been deprived of that deep, passionate sex and that's sort of what I desire right now. In my mind the best chance for that kind is within a relationship, and with my track record of avoiding relationships -- well, you can put 2 and 2 together. It probably isn't happening anytime soon.

Thing is, I have the regular guy urges and I know that given the opportunity and placed with an attractive woman, outside of being in a relationship, I'm still probably likely to engage. Maybe not, I do have above average self-control (with some things), but who knows. I'm not limiting myself. I guess what my objective is is to make every sexual experience count for something. Nothing empty and hollow.