Something's Missing.

Alright, so let's get personal.

I can get personal on here right? This isn't tumblr or anything. I can? Ok.

I wake up everyday, simple enough task. I've kind of perfected it. Hopefully I'll continue doing that for awhile.

Go through my day which consists of nothing that really entertains me and then go to sleep (which I haven't perfected as well yet). Then I wake up and go through another day of not having fun or being happy.

The truth is ... I'm not really happy. About anything.

For me it stopped being about money, cars and the clothes, and the hoes ... and became about being happy. Living each day happy that I was here. I'm happy I'm alive, but that's about as far as it goes. To feel like you're just taking up space on Earth is not a feeling at all, but a concession of guilt.

So I write stories. Of imaginary people. And title the characters people I know in real life (sometimes), and title the lead "Eric". And then I make his life fun and exciting. Filled with love, drama, success, happiness, sadness, pain, all of the things it takes to lead a life filled with something.

I'm missing something. That's all I'm trying to find.

Most Wanted.

The way I feel is sort of how an old person must feel looking at a playground.

Knowing that they had that feeling once before, but realizing the joy belongs to someone else. It's almost pointless for me to spill out what or how I feel because I understand that I do not have a complete grasp of my own emotions. I don't expect anyone else to understand them either.

It's kind of like what Lil' Wayne said: “If you understand me, then you got the upper hand on me, because I don’t understand me.”

I try not to want things that I can't have. Envy is a terrible mind-state to be in. It's so hard though when what you want gets dangled in front of your face, slightly beyond your reach.

The feeling of being in-between is the worst.