Once upon a time, there was a girl I loved. Or thought I loved. Maybe I did, but I figure if I really did I would know for sure right now.
We were friends for years, and never had considered anything else. In fact, I had dated her cousin off & on for about 3 years. [this was during me early teen years, @ camp and church] Anyway, over the years we became close, but never THAT close. She had dated a ton of popular people, and I was the kid that knew all the popular people, yet mostly talked to the regular folk.
One week we were both junior counselors at camp, and spent a lot of time together, talking. We flirted, took walks around the lake, and genuinely got to know each other really well. It was perfect, except for the fact that she was moving to Chicago. Still,we kept in touch through (surprise!) facebook & weekly phonecalls. This was in early August.
In October we saw each other again and I asked her out. I remember it vividly. We were sitting on a swing set, one of the bench ones, and her cousin Josh was in the middle of us. I was making fun of her and blahzay blahzay, and she was getting a little mad. That’s when I pulled out a note that simply asked if she’d be “mine”. I was always too scared to verbally ask. She said yes, and we were ‘official’.
A night later we had our first kiss while sitting on a stone bridge over a creek. It was the best first-kiss I’ve had, even though I’m quite sure there were people hiding behind trees looking at us.
A lot of things happened after that. We dated up until April, broke up, saw each other the following summer, fought, fell asleep together, I dedicated a song from the Maroon5 album to her (Sweetest Goodbye) and the following year, we decided to give things another try. Thing was, I had a baseball tournament and couldn’t miss it, and the weekend I was supposed to see her she met another guy … who she eventually ended up marrying.
So now, here I am at 21 years old. I’m afraid of commitment. Don’t trust females. I have one of those “walls” that everyone talks about. And frankly, I’ve just begun to understand why. It’s hard to experience something as real as that, as dynamic as what I felt back then and interact with girls now. They’re all so eager to love, love, love, fall in love … and I remember how Chrissy and I started. We were friends. Great friends.
I loved her before I even loved her.
1 comment:
ERIC,
your a lot smarter than i thought LOL (but seriously) that was deep.
Love at its finest is when its unexpected & when its deeply rooted. It seems as though she was that to you. There are so many emotions when it comes to relationships; esp. when its sincere.
Those first you would never take back regardless how much they hurt. Those firsts with so many feelings. Those are the best.
I think were all afraid of commitment. A lot of use refuse to speak on it. I give you props for admitting it. Committing is one of the most hardest things to do. Putting up walls is only fair to any woman your with. Love or any deep part of who you are in general shouldnt be given it should be earned and whoever is willing to work for it is worth it (in my perspective).
'Love' has become so cliche now a days. Everyone uses it, everyone wants, everyone gives it up to easy. We've lost sight in how important/fragile love really is. The best relationships I believe start off as friends when love isnt even something your considering.
When you experience something as real as that its hard to settle for anything else. There will always be that one person who had a certain part of you. But then again, someone will come in and bring out something new you.
You should keep these random updates coming after i just left you a novel as a comment lol
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