I'm not lost in life.
I don't know where I'm going persay ... but I'm not lost. My mom says that I should know where I'm going in life, or have an idea. I really don't. I have a lot invested in something that may not even pan out. For some reason, I believe that that'd also lead me to my future love.
Because honestly, I don't know love. Forget people that say "I don't believe in love", or "love is wack." THEY'RE wack. Love is out there, whether it be long lasting or fleeting. And tonight I was having a conversation with my friend Ricky about being in love. And about the only girl I ever truly loved.
Unfortunately, she's now married. And I can honestly say she wouldn't be married to this guy if I hadn't had this baseball tournament. Thus, the Eric you all know ... could very well be married at this moment. And you know what? I wouldn't mind. We'd have some light skinned babies and all [she was white]. Along with that, I'd also be an officer in the Salvation Army.
I would like to delve further into that, I really would. Thing is, that'd make you all think you really knew me. And none of you do. The person who says they're my best friend, knows more than anyone, yet has barely scratched the surface of me. And how I am, want to be, and was. Who I was ... is who I want to be. Who I am ... is terrible. I dislike the Eric that I am now, for one big reason: spiritually, I am a disaster. But to you all, that means little. Why would you care about my soul? Especially when you don't even believe in HIM. Crazy stuff ... but I do need to get closer. I realized that earlier.
I'm easily the freshest person in the places I go, or at least in the top 3 lol. What does it all mean? I'm easily one of the best looking, or I should hope so. I do a lot to keep myself up. To impress MYSELF, and no lie, to impress women. I mean, why wouldn't I want to? I just can't find that person ... ANYone really. Idk ... it gets pretty frustrating. Lonely too. But again, why should you all care?
But no, I'm all confused. I hate the image people have of me. Why should I care? Because it's ME, and I like ME and not the person you have made, because I'm not HIM.
