Ultimate.

I finished my paper! Clap for him.

I'm glad that this is 2010 and we have websites that can automatically fill out your works cited page. I remember typing papers in sixth grade and having to figure all of that out. It isn't hard, but it's tedious, especially when you get to about six or seven sources.

So I've determined that I'm a very selfish human being. Which doesn't bother me at all really. Not when I realize that as humans, we're all pretty selfish. Still, with this selfish mentality that I have, I don't think I could be a bad person, or namely, a bad guy. When it comes to females I see that the opportunity presents itself for me to take advantage of them in some way or another, but I can't do it. I can't even jokingly call a female a bitch, so I definitely can't use them in my own selfish ways.

I find it hard to string women along, play with their emotions. It just seems wrong. Still, there's a part of me that's selfish and will look out for one above others. Eh. I chalk it up to human nature to make myself feel better.

It's bad when you realize that people see you as a great guy, yet you don't necessarily see it. Or you do, but you don't always want to be a good guy. Earlier today I was pretty pumped about getting Call of Duty, as the two readers of my blog know. I mean, I was HYPED. I was in my last class counting down the minutes until I could leave and go home and play. Right when I got home and opened the package a friend in one of my classes called me and asked for help with his paper. So ... I decided it would be more beneficial to help him out and I put clothes on and drove back to school to assist him.

Because of that I lost about two hours of playing time because of course I have to sleep during the day. This isn't some huge problem that tilts the axis of the world but in my own little bubble it is. Sometimes I put the interests of other people in front of my own, and I have to question if it's because I'm a good guy, or because I'm constantly looking to please, to help others. Which wouldn't be a bad thing, but if it comes at the expense of my ultimate happiness, wouldn't it be?

What's worse is that when you do things like this your motives get questioned. People assume that you have an ulterior motive at hand when just maybe, you're doing something because it's the right thing to do. An example of that would be this female that I'm friends with on twitter. She had some problem going on at home, and I saw that she stated that she didn't really have anyone to talk to. Now I'm usually the last person to volunteer to hear someone's problems but I can relate to people who feel like they don't have anyone to confide in. Even more, I know that I wouldn't willingly tell someone's business, so I hope that they can trust me which is increasingly hard to do. As I ask her if she needs someone to talk to I'm surely met with, "oh, you must be trying to get with her." Whaaaat? So I can't take a friendly interest in a female friend's problems without wanting to get with her? (which is tricky because while I wouldn't try to talk to her, if she threw it at me I'd probably catch it like T.O.)

I think I may be overthinking these scenarios but yeah, just running through my mind.

Oh, so I bought the Kid Cudi album as well yesterday. Ran through it twice and I must say, I like it. Not sure if I like it better than the first Man On The Moon, but all the people talking down on it? Yeah, not sure what they were hearing. It's pretty mellow and I still appreciate how Cudi can relate emotions so easily in his records. As well as not staying confined to the traditional methods of hip-hop. It's a really good album though, and I also can't wait for Kanye's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. I haven't listened to any tracks but like three so it'll sound pretty brand new to me. I honestly don't believe in listening to leaked records if I'm planning on buying it. Opening that wrapper, popping it into iTunes, turning the lights down in my room and turning on Call of Duty as I listen to it ... that's going to feel good.