So if you read my Tumblr then you know that things with L kind of went kaput. I talked about it vaguely, mainly because I am not entirely comfortable with how I truly feel about the situation being so obvious.
I knew things between she and I wouldn't work out. Frankly, I realized that when she told me that she was moving back to Atlanta. Right then and there I detached my "crush" from her in a, 'come on Eric, it'd never work out' type of way. Finding out she had a boyfriend didn't make me depressed as someone thought, nor did it make me bitter. Okay ... it may have made me a little bitter. I mean, I figured for her last month or so here in St. Louis we could kick it and do couple things.
And that ... is what got me.
Because once again I felt like God had placed someone so cool, so smart, so gorgeous in my life only to show me that I couldn't have her. It's happened enough times that I've started to get used to it. Too far away. Has a boyfriend. Isn't interested in me. I don't want to say that I accept it, but I've grown accustomed to it just not working out in any capacity for me.
I guess people don't understand the lack of true intimacy that I've felt with a woman in recent memory. No one I talk to does. And if you're reading this you probably don't understand because you either have a boyfriend, or you've been with someone in the past 4 or 5 months on something more than just hanging out. I haven't, so to me, things like this resonate a little more. It's the reason why I can't talk to people about what to do in situations like this ... because you don't know how it feels! You have someone.
People were saying that I should have made my intentions with her clear from the get-go. Maybe I should have. Honestly though, I received advice from someone who said be her friend first, and then see if that can develop into something. Don't go into it seeking a relationship, build a genuine friendship and see if things go from there. I fully think that was the right thing to do, not to make my feelings known from the get-go. Besides saving me from embarrassment it let me begin to get to know her which was important to me.
Now ... I have a new suggestion to follow, and I hope this one makes me happy for the time being.
2 comments:
hello im still very much single! and havent had a healthy relationship since my senior year of high school. be happy you've managed to steer clear of all the dysfunctionality that many of us seem to get ourselves wrapped up in. you read my personal tumblr, you know how my love life is looking right now. sometimes being the "friend" can work to your advantage, but sometimes it doesn't. my most functional relationship happened because a guy i was interested in got to know me a bit, then let me know his intentions and we continued to build a friendship until i was ready for a relationship. i was honest with him about how i felt and he was patient and understanding about my needs. i'm starting to think its all a matter of timing.
I believe it is too.
I find it extremely confusing because some people say to express intent first, and some say don't, build a friendship.
Every situation is different, that's about as far as I know ... I'm just terrible at reading them.
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