Undeniably.

So there's this girl who I'll call ... LT. I initially knew LT from a few parties I saw her at during my freshman year at Mizzou, but never really gave her much thought. My mind was probably still stuck on Anna who was busy still turning me down after 4 or 5 years.

I think we became "friends" on facebook that year, not sure. Whatever. The next year I accompanied my good friend D.J. on this almost-date with this girl who turned out to be LT's sister. The girl and I became pretty cool and added each other on facebook, which is where I found out she was LT's sister.

Eventually whenever I did go to a party, if LT was there she'd see me and give me a hug and say hi. She was cute but I wasn't really trying to get with her. She did have this long hair that always intrigued me. Long as in, down to her butt long. I always wondered how she washed it. Whatever. The next summer I had a job at a daycare, and in the mornings on the bus ride there I would see LT, going to work at Target. We never really spoke though, but it was just an odd coincidence.

Fast forward to a few months back. LT "likes" quite a few of my statuses and such on facebook, and I always feel weird that I never "like" hers or anything so one day I randomly decided to "like" one of her pictures. About an hour after I do she sends me a message in my inbox. Later on that night we're texting and the texts get increasingly personal. End scene with her being extremely turned on apparently and me just being satisfied that I turned a woman on and made her wet. Believe it or not, I love that, it's one of my favorite things to do.

Anyway, she only writes me now every once in awhile which is fine with me because I don't actually like her all that much. She's pretty but I'm not attracted to her among other things. What isn't fine is how I feel like I get the "when I'm bored" treatment from her. I'll get the random texts like, "Hi honeyyyy!" when I see that she's openly showing affection to other guys in St. Louis, more popular guys than me. This only gets to me because I feel like this is how my love life here in St. Louis has always gone: girl may like me, but she'd rather keep it lowkey than let people know. Or girl likes me, but only when the more popular guys here in St. Louis are too busy fucking every other girl.

LT is seen as quite a catch in my city, but I've identified that I'm like a second-tier catch. I'm the guy you like when the guy you like doesn't like you.

Not really cool with that.

That was a really long post about nothing it seems. I kind of wanted to make another post about this amazing beauty I found, but I don't really want to. She's gorgeous though, and is gracing my desktop and I RARELY put women on my desktop, believe it or not.

You know, as I look at her picture I can't help but notice her beauty, but one reason I don't make posts like that on Tumblr is because I always hear something about it, despite the beauty of a woman I put up. It's always from black women too. Initially it'll be, "Oh, I guess you don't like women of color." Or if it's a black woman (in this case Moroccan) I put up then it'd be, "Oh, I see you like skinny women." And if she's thicker I'd probably get hit with the, "Oh, but she has to be light-skinned huh?"

Last week some black girl wrote me like, "you don't like black women, all I see you post are Asian and white girls." Statements like that actually make me dislike black women more and more. I may talk about Filipino women, but most women I put up are indeed African-American. I've just come to the conclusion that black women are rarely satisfied, and have some issue within where they have to constantly be the apple of a black man's eye, lest they judge him as not liking women of his own race. I've never found it fair, and I actually think I get wrongly judged by black women on who I like. Liking "everyone" simply isn't good enough for them I think, you have to be steadfast and true to your "black queens" or you're a traitor.