amazing.

I try not to revisit old relationships TOO much, but I did yesterday with my "You can't be perplexed at how things turn out," piece in yesterday's blog. I was kind of thrown off because a certain female who I stopped talking to a longgg time ago recently "came back" in my life. Who knows why, but who even cares? Basically she got mad because I wouldn't tell her that I love her. I can understand why you'd be mad   if you loved someone and they didn't say it back ... but work with me lol. I don't know too many guys who just go into "I love you" mode, and I'm definitely not one of them.

And then a few pieces of mumbo jumbo that I expect not a lot of people to understand, and then the last piece of the blog which ends with, "No one, no not no one, likes to be let down". That's because I felt let down by the last person I talked to. But not let down in the traditional sense, because she didn't really do anything to let me down. I was moreso feeling let down over the fact that when it comes to each other, we both seem to be extra lazy. Hence the Jack Johnson song.

I actually feel kind of remorseful.

"I know she usually has some other ties ... and I wouldn't want to break them."

Like, I KNOW she has other things, and that it'll always be something. Other people, distance, differing feelings, etc. So for that reason, I'll never try to push myself to the front of her life or try to be an important piece of her life. It wouldn't be fair to her. Or me for that matter. So you know, I have to just lie about how I feel. I have to NOT like her as much as I normally would, to make sure that in the end I'm nothing to her ... and she won't have to worry about me. It's almost like I'm intentionally being a bad guy, but not really. I don't quite know how to explain it. I always get the feeling she lowkey dislikes me loll. I don't know why, but I do.

On the flipside to that though, all of my trying has led to me being successful in feeling that way. 'Cuz you know, at some point you just blank out and you see things clearly and you tell yourself, "stop being a little bitch." Which is ultimately what I did. So then that makes half of the previous paragraph irrelevant.

This post is wordy. Whew.

Lakers won Game 1. Only 15 games to go. I'm ecstatic. I may just buy a new Kobe jersey in Chicago, and that's it. Well, and some Griffey's. And some cargo shorts. Okay, whatever.