10 Things I Learned in the Past Week
1. I can't sing.
I always thought I had a little bit of melody or something but uhh ... in the shower I had somewhat of an enlightening lol.
2. Apparently I'm weird.
Okay, I sort of knew that anyway, but now everyone else knows it. I always thought being weird was kind of cool or w/e ... but maybe it isn't? Oh well, you normal people suck.
3. My addiction will probably always be there.
Enough said.
4. I'm the life of a classroom.
In my training class I'm usually effervescent and such. Today I was very low-key and it seemed as if there was a slow vibe. Plus everyone thought something was wrong with me, making up things like, "his girlfriend left him." LOL, yeah, I can't even find one of those ...
5. African-American as a whole embrace normality (thugness) until you actually ARE something. I kind of have a whole post brewing about this but pretty much its like ... they won't talk to Pharrell w/o the accomplishments. But with them, they seem as if they'd talk to him w/o the accomplishments. If that makes sense.
6. There's no point in worrying about things. Well, things you can't do anything about. For one, it appears that worrying may cause an early death. For two, the fact you can't do anything about it will only make you feel inadequate (think worrying about a comet hitting Earth ... what're YOU going to do about that? You're not Bruce Willis ...)
7. John McCain doesn't REALLY like Bush.
8. Sleep is the best thing in the world possibly ... and maybe irrelevant in my life to an extent. I hate that. I want to sleep from 12 a.m. - 4:45 a.m. every weekday. Too bad I can't for some reason.
9. I'm looking to be a powerhouse. A corporation, empire, etc. Well everyone is, but I actually would like to be behind it all. Get the checks, be the face maybe ... but not slipping and sliding across the damn tabloid and newspapers like some CEO's *cough*.
10. I think I would rather write songs than rap. Like, I think I completely understand what goes through Kanye's head sometimes. Some things, some ideas and whatnot, are best conveyed through song. "Love Lockdown" ... no matter how you feel about it (I'm on the fence) ... how do you think that would've been as a RAP?
I did write a real post today though, so here you go …
Some things in life are better when they're simple. Pancakes. Women. Cardigans. Jordans.
Some things are better when they're complex. Fashion. Computers (but not when you're using them). Me.
Still, simple are the things that make life worth living.
That statement is probably so true because of how complex life is. Or perhaps it's just complex because that's how we make it?
Listening to this Ne-Yo song makes me want someone that I can relax with. I never get the feeling of wanting a girl until I hear or see something about how good that can be. I like to just do my own thing and taking a girl along in the complex ride of Eric really isn't fun.
Truth be told, if you are/were a girl I talk(ed) to, you ruined me. Someway, somehow, you did something to make me lose faith in giving a piece of myself to a girl. I can't believe how I can sit and be friends with all of you when all of you have hurt me in some kind of way.
Sometimes I wake up feeling like Quasimodo, like something must be physically wrong with me. I've been putting on fronts my whole life as to how I feel. Always like an outcast, always like someone that was tolerated. I always knew I was a little different but I guess it never really hit me until now. I always figured that at some level I was closer to "fitting in" than I was to "weird".
Until now.
It's a weird feeling to be somewhat on the outside. I think that's why I crave affection so much but am easily disparaged when they lie to me or treat me somewhat different. It was no problem for me to be the life of the room, yet still feel alone. Some people feel that every once in awhile, as if they're by themselves in a crowded room. To me, that's life. I can't really remember a time when I felt the opposite.
If it wasn't for music, I'm not sure where I'd be. Just listening is therapy. There's no support system behind me and I don't know if it’s because I don't want one, or because I just don't have one. Forgive, but don't forget is my way of thinking, and once you've burned me I always keep that in the back of my head. I can be cordial and all of that but I still just feel out of the loop.
1 comment:
can i say your blog reeks... of truth! i felt you on everything....everything and i totally understood what you meant with the whole pharrell analogy.its not cool to be "quirky" until you can show people the fame its gotten you. they think they would have talked to him broke, but probably not. he would have been hanging with the white kids...but i think times are changing with all the "backpack/hipster" rap out there, more blacks are willing to accept some slight variation in "thugness"
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