I'm perfect!
And by that opening line, I hope you all see that I am conceited. I by no means am perfect, but at times I feel as if I am. I spend too much times in front of mirrors. I'm vain. I'm cocky. I'm this, I'm that.
The world revolves around ME.
Sick isn't it? How gross is it that this ... unknown boy from
Because you feel as if the world revolves around ... well, you guessed it, you.
You don't need to tell me that for me to know it. Just look at your own personal writing, or conversations to others. How many sentences start with "I" or "Me" or "My"? A lot eh? Because we're concerned with ourselves, duhhh.
If something isn't good for me (there goes that word again) I don't do it. I also tend to be a little self-indulgent. I can admit that. In all fairness, there's no reason to lie about something so simple.
While thinking though, I realized something: I don't like people. I would rather push them away. Why? Because when you have people close to you, you get hurt. And "I" don't like getting hurt. So I look out for my own feelings. When I have conversations with people I frequently think in my head things to say to these people, and then change my mind. The first thought is usually something harsh.
So why do I change my words? I guess because I care about others' feelings to an extent. I can't knock down everyone just because I'm this mean spirit trapped inside a great person (=]). I would probably like to, but I know that this behavior will only lead to one thing. That one thing is me, alone.
There's a funny thing though ...
Here I am, still alone.
4 comments:
hrm i sense a disparity in your words. so you "say" you don't like people but still you alter your words so you don't hurt "them" (them being people-which you dislike) so my question for you is why do you care about the feelings of people you don't like to begin with? i'm a people hater myself but that stems more from the fact that i'm a cold heart bitch and i've learned to give people the raw and real because honestly that how i like to take it.
i think i alter them for the sole reason that i know i can't live a life devoid of caring. i can't change who i am, and how i feel ... but at the same time i can change how i portray myself.
:|
How come you never think twice before saying things to me huh?
I ALWAYS get the mean spirit!
LOL, nah nah.
You know I'm just playing.
It's okay to be a bit self indulgent.
Heck, I'm all for it.
-goes buy you that necklace
if you wanna look at all this from a purely psychological standpoint, you could always say that the self-indulgent piece of us (our id) feels a lot more free when we blog because we take it as a mock-diary, so we talk about ourselves because that's what we really want to do anyway because our primary concern is us, which makes sense because if there's no us, how can we care about anything, right? but most times when talking to other people, we moderate all those really mean first thoughts (with the ego) and say something socially acceptable. then the superego comes in and makes us all guilty about everything. Freud had a really emo outlook on life...
now, if you DON'T wanna take the psychological view, you can just say that we all want to be needed, and even if no one else needs us, we need ourselves (big duh here), so we show the kind of acceptance we want to ourselves... i guess. that's just a theory, though. and with the universe being so infinitely large, we could always be conceited and think it all revolves around us - because we can't fathom how much more there is out there besides us. sure, we see other countries and space exploration on TV, but our minds can't REALLY comprehend that the universe is billions of trillions of times bigger than us. we live in the world we know - the homes and neighborhoods and cities we frequent - and we are all-important there. that's just a theory, though.
and trust me, nice people are always overlooked. it's the way life goes. but when something is truly good, truly special, someone is bound to see it and be led towards it. don't give up on the good person in you, though - i had a friend do that, and i know it hurts him as much if not more than the people he hurts.
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