Moderate.

Our reputations are immensely important to us. No matter who you are, what you do ... how people see you matters. There are a lot of people that act like it doesn't, but it does. In fact, they want people to think they don't. If they didn't, it would worry them.

So I did something, obviously. Something against what Eric might usually do. Well, the old Eric. Not the new evil Eric. No-one knew, or so I thought. However, the shit, undoubtedly, will always hit the fan.

I had been living two separate lives. Not an online/offline thing. I like to think how I am on here is how I am off. Rather, it was two offline lives. I had two groups of different friends. Two different belief systems. Somehow, I had strummed the line between the two. Kept myself together being a part of both. Now, I still am part of both. But what I did left everyone on one of the groups disappointed.

Was I disappointed in myself? Sure. Proud? Sure. Regretful? Sure! Yeah, so why is pride in there? Because I felt that. After, of course, I wanted to die.

So now I'm faced with looking everyone in the eye. All the people who know my secret. Or what was. I know that every eye is going to be on me. Watching my actions, listening to my words. Formulating thoughts in their mind about me. Everything beforehand tossed out of the window. So now I'm left to wonder if I should run from the situation ... or be a man and just step up to it.

Ultimately, I know I have to deal with it, and I will. The sense of being a failure of some sorts is what weighs heavy on me. I feel like an idiot though, because it's in me. I'm going to repeat. This time though, there would be no lesson learned type of acceptance, would there? Most likely.

I'll get through it.