or is it something they could never believe...

lol @ "feels eric booty."
;x


Okay, it was really weird yesterday having about 15-20 people asking me if iwas a flirt. lmao. Uhh...no, not really. Especially when I'm usually too shy to even go UP to a girl and talk to her...flirting is usually a stretch.

Uhm, it rained last night. A little. And there was lightning, which iliked. I don't know why, but a dark room, with random bursts of lightning coming from outside seems pretty soothing to me. There was a point when that scared me lol, so....yeah.

This is...the 8th day of January.
Haven't really done much. For some reason iseemed to think that iwould find a girl by now. But for some odd reason, isee that idon't need one. Nor, truly want one. Okay, im lying there, iwant one...but idont need one. While ilong for that person, the idea of me truly meeting someone seems about as farfetched as the idea that TuPac is better than Biggie. Like, it could happen, it could be true...but right now, ijust don't believe it lol.

I think im honestly exhausted from all of the past girls. In some way, they have left me with the feeling of being exasperated. I just don't...want to be involved with anyone. I think the most wonderful girl could come into my life, and icould pass her up, quickly...just because ifeel fed up with the past relationships. It's not the best way to be, but its what ifeel in my heart. My heart truly isn't ready to be given to another human being, and if im not willing to do that, then ishouldn't enter any relationship.

Of course, iwould have to find the girl first. And the way my luck is going...ill never find a girl. Lol. At some points, my life seems meaningless, and at others, full of hope. My day has turned into a roller coaster of sorts...and idon't like it. Im too happy to be depressed lol...and too depressed to be happy. eh. Sooner or later ill find the missing piece to the puzzle that's going to make me truly fulfilled.

I guess.

I also guess that I'll register to vote today. Wednesday is the last day to register to vote if you want to vote this year. I'm not sure if I'll actually vote...but when I do make my mind up I guess I'll have the option. Apparently if I don't vote I'll die...or something like that. Eh. I still don't think that my vote TRULY counts but it is what it is. Maybe by November I'll know whether or not I want to.

Before I register to vote, I'm going to do something much more important...start looking for a new job. I have about an hour before work, so I guess I'll spend that time searching for some new job opportunities. I definitely need a new job since this one pays almost nothing...making living unbearable. After I get done with bills...there's not a lot of money to just do stuff with. And I never imagined myself living from check to check...that is SO wack.

Lupe Fiasco - Fighters.m4a
Or is it somethin they could never believe
Or is it somethin you could never acheive
Is it beyond your means
Is it inside your dreams
Can it Never come out
Cause it's scared to
Unprepared to
To worry about the words of the people is weird too
You don't want em to hear you
You just wish it was a door that would appear that you can go disappear through
Well I'm feelin your pain
I was feelin the same
But I said id never feel that again

...funny how he describes how ifeel about my rap 'career'. i don't like saying what iwant to say because ithink people won't like it...and then when iput myself out there and put my songs for the public i cringe. literally. because iwant so much for my craft to be accepted. it's hard doing this...and iwish iwas better.