There are sirens wailing somewhere outside my window. It's 6 a.m. Naive thinking, but some part of me believes that it's for us. I'm not entirely fooled though; I know that there have been way too many false alarms for there to be anything sent to rescue us.
I'm just so, so tired of trying. Tired of trying when I can so easily recall days where we didn't have to. Everything came easier. Conversations, laughs, even the disagreements -- they would come and go, because nothing was allowed to get in between of what was building.
What brought us together tore us apart. Slowly. Divisively.
Now I feel trapped in my bed. Somehow I have to go out into the world and act as if this never happened. I have to face my day with diminished hope. And I'll be ok, I know I will. 100%? No. But a little bit, and that makes me feel like a traitor.
I honestly just wish you thought differently. And that I didn't have these obvious trust issues. "Crushed up, 'cause I fucked up."
But moreso that you thought differently.
2 comments:
It's crazy what being with someone, caring for someone can do to you. Then when the lack of trust gets involved. Maybe time away with help heal that, but I know that you are a genuinely good guy. I know that because from the little you've shown me it's gone such a long way!
I hope it all turns out well for you darling.
So late replying to this, but thanks. They do say time heals all wounds, so you know, hopefully it works. If I can even stay away that long without wanting to feel what I felt.
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