Fireworks

I'm inspired by Donald Glover. Beyond the whole being a young black actor/writer/comedian/rapper thing, but actually focusing on just the 'being a rapper' thing. I like how he raps because he likes it, not to become insanely rich off of it. I recall reading an interview where he says he doesn't ever want to sell his music.

Truth be told while I was at work Thursday I was thinking to myself, "I hate rapping." I've grown so tired of it. Since I was I don't know, 15 or 16 I've had dreams of being a rapper and becoming famous and rich. Mainly because it was what I saw on tv, the importance that we bestowed upon these rappers. I was just too fucking different though and I saw success really close to me but it didn't make me jealous, it made me mad. Mad because I was actually told by someone close to me that I was weird. So what did I do? I wrote raps to fit in and I grew to hate it. I hated rapping, I hated going to the makeshift studio we had, I hated the songs we worked on, I still hate the songs we work on, I just hate it all. Making music sucks.

And then I listen to Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino and it inspires me to just be like my fucking self. Honestly. So after listening to him this morning I decided to look for some instrumentals and I found the instrumental for "Fireworks" by Drake, one of my favorite songs off of Thank Me Later. I just decided to write and to be super honest, I think I am never going to be more than an average rapper, at most. I want this Kanye type of cockiness like, "I know I'm the shit," but I think I know what I am.

The good thing though was that the second verse I wrote was sort of life therapy for me, for a subject I don't even like to blog about because it's just ... idk. I just don't like writing about it. I felt at peace writing this verse though, it was one of the most genuine verses I've written ever.

My father hasn't called, haven't spoken in a year
The regret of not seeing him is turning into fear
Never would've knew that at the age of 22
Our relationship as father and son would fall through
I am always right. He is never wrong.
Can't describe how much it pains just to put this in a song
Now that I am grown & realize he's all alone
Too stubborn to say "I'm sorry" but scared one day that he'll be gone
How can I be a man when I feel I wasn't taught?
How could I go to sleep when this is always in my thoughts?
How will I get over just feeling so inadequate
Forgiveness is so foreign but I gotta take a stab at it
This is more than just anger, bottled up inside, feelings that I gotta hide
Hide in the fog, but now it gets clearer
'Cause he is what I see when I'm looking in the mirror

I don't know, that isn't the best verse but it's the most honest thing I've written musically and it just made me feel slightly better to get that out in some sort of fashion. I don't know.