amazing.

I'm scared that every girl I care for

Will find a better man, and end up happier in the long run.

Yeah, and when she not by my side

And I hear that she going out it's like a shot to my pride

I don't care if she know

'Cause that's basically just the male ego

Speaking aloud to some real people.

Drake, thanks.

Seriously though, as much as I try to pride myself on not being overly prideful or anything I feel like I let it get ahold of me. Which sucks. The male ego is a terrible thing, I swear it is. I wish at times I just didn't have one.

One, I feel like I'm toxic. Being labeled difficult and confusing by nearly every girl who you talk to on a level beyond friendship sucks. I don't want to be difficult and confusing, but I just am. It really, truly sucks because with each one you think to yourself, "Oh, I definitely just ruined that." I ruin good things.

Two, I feel like I failed you. Like everything we had (behind the scenes) worked for was destroyed in one 10 minute phone-call. A level of trust/understand just vanished because I got caught up in my pride.

Three, after the last serious girl I had talked to I decided to myself to just be on a "fuck it" mindset. So most girls I talked to were just that, girls to talk to to pass the time. It was whatever, I wasn't looking, nor searching for anything beyond some flirting. Obviously we went beyond "some flirting", so I honestly don't give two flying fucks about who you talk to now. Maybe in the future, but not right now. Bang bang, shot to that ego.

Four, this is going against everything I'm trying to tell myself to believe about liking someone. That when you like someone you don't just stop when it gets a little rough or whatever. But you know, I feel like I just quit. And then you just quit. And right when things for me flipped to good, this flipped to bad. And you were there during the bad and now you aren't during the good, which isn't fair. Part of the reason things are good is because of you. You told me not to lose hope, and I didn't. Things eventually got better. So why would you lose hope in this?

So yeah, if I lose you as a love interest that'd suck, but I could definitely deal. But if I lost you as a close friend, well then, idk.

Lol, you called me a fuck ass too. I don't even know what that means. & lied about getting the text, because you wrote about it. In all regards though, this is the last time I blog about this.