amazing.

I feel all over the place in this blog. I secretly love it. I kind of wish I hadn't given some of you my url, so it'd be like the good ol' days. The days of our little tight blogspot clique. It was so much fun back then. I had my hair back then. -shakes imaginary dreads

I wrote a whole rap today. Mhm, I sure did. It's whatever though. There's one line I really like:
"Never been in love, and if I have I won't admit it
See I'm always livin' single, I ain't never been committed."

That's actually kind of rude. To tell the truth, I wish I was a heartless dude. When feelings get involved, no problems get resolved. I just end up wishing that the shit would dissolve. (I don't know why I had to make that rhyme)

I wish I could count how many times I thought to myself, "what am I doing wrong?" Feeling like you're being lied to is worse than knowing you're being lied to. It's like ... if I'm wrong then shit, I'm going to feel bad for assuming. But if I'm right ... damn.

On another note, I really need to get a moleskin. Gotdamnit, if I don't feel creative from time to time. I want something that I can look at in like, 3 or 4 years. Something I can show my son 25 years from now. Something semi-eternal. Until it gets burned by a crazy ex-gf who sees a picture of herself in it reenacting Joan of Arc's last stand.

Kidding.

Seriously though, I want/need someone to talk to about shit. Someone that I didn't "talk" to previously. Someone who'll just listen. Somebody I can fucking trust.

Man. It sucks to not trust anyone. Without sounding emo, that's how I feel. As if I don't trust a single gotdamned person on this Earth. 'Cept my reflection. That nigga keeps it one hunnid.