From Way Back.

For the longest people have always told me, "you get what you put in." And for the longest I've never been able to put in what I wanted out. Some call it laziness, some call it weakness, call it what you want ... but this is the life that I lead. I never get out what I want. And maybe I should put in a little more.

I usually start off by putting in a lot. I'll see the end result in my mind, and it'll be SO amazing. It'll look SO achievable, and for that reason I don't mind putting my all behind whatever it is that I want. Then little by little I fall off. I never mean to, my intentions are always good, I swear. It just ... happens.

So when I first started talking to you, I figured, I'll put in a lot. And if you put in a lot, the result will be SO amazing. And it was, it was moving, moving, moving. (I did that in a museum attendant voice, idk why) But then what I put in started to be less. I was discouraged. A couple of failed attempts at something bigger can do that. A couple of realizations that someone in your very, very near past was infatuated with you can do that to the other person, that other person being me. So I was just like, "ehh, don't put so much in Eric. You're going to end up with a bad result this time, look at the signs."

It's weird when you see people talk about themselves and how they know that they'll hurt someone. It's only weird because you think to yourself, "should I heed this warning this person is seemingly giving me, or should I just ignore it as just words?" I chose to heed it because you say how much you dislike lying, so I figured you weren't lying. If I know you're going to hurt me because you say so, what reason do I have for putting myself out there to be hurt?

I feel defeated. Because I was hoping, and believed, that there was nobody special like you.