poor defense.

If all falls down and I don't get my iPhone before the end of time (or December, whichever is closer) then I may just splurge and get a Blackberry. Or the G1? Whatever I get I'll have to pay full retail price for it because I refuse to get another 2-yr. contract extension.

There was a death in the family. This person I was kind of close to. I haven't cried about it ... yet. I don't really show emotion anymore and that scares me kind of. I'm not sure if I'm just holding it in, or if I'm just an asshole. That definitely worries me. I do miss her and can't stop thinking about Kanye's line "people never get the roses while they can still smell 'em." I was gonna send her a card saying I missed her ... and now she's gone. A lot of my cousins and whatnot just used her for money and I wanted her to know I just loved her unconditionally.

I won't really dwell on this too much in my blog. This is one of those personal things that I have to deal with myself and between family. It does make me want to go live on an island somewhere though, away from it all. That way I wouldn't have to deal with the feeling of someone dying. Its foolish, I know, but when something like this happens its a viable alternative.

I was Juelz Santana at the party we had last night. When we pulled up to the club, about 6 or 7 cars deep the parking lot was PACKED. It was crazy, and even crazier inside. All in all I had a good time.

I was going to roll up to Jeff City for a party tonight but can't because of the recent death in the fam. So idk, I havent even been home since yesterday morning and I don't want to go. Supposedly I'm going to have to give my room away to two people. I'm not at all too happy about that shit considering that its not like I just go to school; I have a friggin' 9-5:30 shift and if I wanna just go in my room and sleep after work I can't.

Maybe I have to be a team player, but whatever ... I want to be Terrell Owens right now. The only upside through everything is I may get moms' car. That right there would be the best thing to happen to me since I discovered the wonders of exploring my body. Huh? Lol. Moving onnnnnn ...

I swear I've been in "player" mode for the past 2 weeks. Not on purpose, just that I'm talking to 2 different girls at work. One told me she didn't talk to anyone and I later found out she was. Is that bad or good? And the otherrr ... I don't even know. She's just really short which is naturally cute. Then there's the other girl that isn't here, that's really cool. But fuck that, I promised myself I wouldn't rush anything or whatever. Especially in this type of situation. Lil mama is super fly and cute though. But JF can't fall! lol.

Whatever, I have some pics to upload, maybe I'll post them in the next blog. I REALLY have to get some McDonald's in my system or it'll be a problem.