Just being a friend to the opposite sex is hard.
Currently I'm in a situation where I'm just a friend to a girl, while trying to talk to another girl. Shouldn't be a problem right? Pfft. The other girl's friend insists that I'm with/trying to get with my friend.
Crazy talk! We're just friends ... or are we?
Is it possible to truly, be friends without an ulterior motive? My answer ... is no. Let me break down some factors to this though.
A) If said friend is homosexual, then the rule doesn't apply (usually).
If your friend is indeed gay, then your friendship should be free from all sexual advances. They shouldn't even be attracted to you, right?
B) If said friend is cute, the rule applies.
You thought about it. Don't lie and say you didn't, we all know the truth. At some point you imagined how it would be kissing this person or w/e it is you think in that nasty mind of yours.
C) If you ever dated said person, rule applies.
This one is sort of a no-brainer. I mean, you already had that connection at some point. You can make the argument that y'all realized there was nothing there ... but you still attempted. Rule applies.
D) If said friend is unattractive (ugly), rule applies.
They have a great personality, which is the basis of your friendship. Looking at them ... not so great. This person actually turns you off so you don't have any feelings, but unfortunately, that person probably likes you.
E) If said person is Monica, and you're Chandler ... the rule doesn't apply.
These are the only situations I could think of where there might be leeway or w/e. It really is hard to just be friends. One person always seems to like the other person ... and the friendship occurs when the other person turns them down. "Since I can't be with you ... I'll just be your friend ... until I can convince you!"
Truthfully, I'm attracted to my friend, but not even considering a relationship with her. Our personalities don't match like that. I'm worried though that we'll have an Usher "U Make Me Wanna" moment.
One day I'll talk to her about my problems with my chick and some shit will just pop off. Just like that, I would have crossed the line of both my friendship and relationship.
Look at Chris Brown & Rihanna: maybe they're friends, maybe they're not. Thing is, we don't really CONSIDER that they're friends and immediately jump to "oh, they're fucking". Such a shame.
Sidebar: if Chris Brown isn't with her or TRYING to get with her, then he has FAILED.
At the end of the day though I think that girls have more of a problem with this. It's nearly impossible for you to have a gf, and have really close friends that are girls. Either jealousy creeps in, or the fact that most women have been done wrong at some point in your life. So all of your friends that are girls get pushed waaaaaay down. It's a mess really.
Regardless of what it is, I'm going to attempt it. Godspeed.
p.s. go comment my latest post on whoresneverlearn!
1 comment:
having traversed the line between friends and not friends...contemplation and all that good stuff i feel like i can comment on this situation.
i'm going to say this, it is possible to be just friends with the opposite sex BUT you're right at some point or another the line gets crossed or one or both parties think about crossing the line. sometimes the situations end up sticky and sometimes they end in dopeness.
trying to talk to another girl while being close to a girl is difficult but not impossible. most girls are way too sensitive for that shit. and having been the girl-friend in your situation i can tell you eventually the "girlfriend" is gonna make you choose. if you and your girl-friend are really just in it to be friends eventually you'll work out some kind of system that appeases the "girlfriend." i know what me and my best friend (its a guy) have had to do is, whenever either of us is dating someone we usually cut back on our hanging out and talking. its impossible to fully enter anything when your attention isn't focused there. if you do attempt it without setting up some kind of system you leave yourself open to comments like, but not limited to:
"why do you talk about her so much?"
"how often do you talk to her, do you like her?" "you should go be with her then..." and etc. so for the sake of your sanity and your friendship with this girl (if you want it to remain platonic) set up some kind of system and be open enough to talk about how you feel about this potentional "girlfriend" with your girl-friend and or your feelings about your girl-friend. i think this comment is quite lengthy so i'm gonna stop here, but i have a wealth of information when it comes to these sticky situations. good luck though!
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