payphone.

I don't know if I'm good ... or evil.

Fuck it, I'm evil.

I'm the hero at the beginning of the movie that has every intention of staying good ... but at some critical point just fucks it all up. Thinks that after doing one bad deed he can never be good again, and just falls apart. Goes over to the darkside. Changes his whole demeanor.

I don't think I'm ever going back to the good side. After doing what I did, is there a way? I can't regain that shit back. I'm the glitch in the matrix now buddy!

No, I'm just on some other shit now.

You know the loneliest moment? When you're alone. I mean, duhhh ... but seriously. When you're alone and have nothing to do, no computer, phone ... maybe just some music, it hits you. That's the moment when you start to think. I love to think and I absolutely hate it. Because when you think, inevitably the worst-case scenario always pops up. Or the image that shows you failing. And we can't fail, can we? No, there's no way that we'll accept losing.

So when we lose, we go to the winning side. Which is usually the evil side. Hence me turning evil. No, a loss of judgement turned me evil. And I don't want to stay. I bet it sounds confusing, but it really is so cut-and-dry.

I did something that turned me into someone who is not Eric ... and who I am hates who I've been.