double-digit.

You ever had someone treat you good ... and so good that you felt that maybe you didn't deserve it? But the person you wished treated you like that first person ... didn't so much? Well I hope you did, because then you'd feel like me and misery loves company.

Anyway ... this may be a long ass blog. I have a lot of stuff to talk about, but I may not even touch it all.

So I don't hate my life. Okay? Get that.
I'm not suicidal. I don't take life for granted.
So don't get any of that twisted.

But when I say I feel like I have nothing to live for, I'm telling you the God to honest truth of how I feel currently.

Just ... everything I had that I was good at was taken from me in some way, form or fashion. Baseball, journalism at Mizzou, etc. Then earlier ... while trying to record this song I just couldn't do it. My voice was just ... not sounding right on the track. And I kept trying and kept trying and kept trying ... and I couldn't do it. I lost my voice. I literally was hoarse from trying to repeat these lyrics. Then I thought "I just can't do this. I really can't."

Back when I played baseball, I felt happy. Happy everyday to step on that field and know that I was headed into a future. Happy that I was one of the top 3-5 players on that field, and there was a legitimate chance that this could be my profession. Then the freak injury and here I am and life seems weird. I was loving that feeling, of just playing. Maybe I'll work out and play again. Idk. Kind of impossible now but yeah.

But enough of that I guess.

On the real though ... every man wants to feel like he's worth something you know? Like somewhere he's making an impact or doing something worthwhile ... so I guess that's just where I'm at.

Tonight did have good points though.

her: well sometimes i just want to stuff you into a box so i can keep you to myself
and other times i want to kick you

Ugh. lmao.

She confuses me to no end. I swear. Like ... I just want some affection from her. That's it. For her to expose herself to me. But idk ... maybe I'm asking too much? Maybe she doesn't like me like THAT. I really DO NOT KNOW.

Then there's her:

kayla: it was sweet and all
but someone shits on his sweetness
eric: -looks around
kayla: -smiles at you
yep yep

MAN.

While she and I will most likely never be ... kayla shits on all of you girls. Like word to hoop earrings and baby kangaroos. We talk ... we laugh. Everything.

Thing is ... no one has me. And one girl COULD have me. Another could HAVE had me ... and another is climbing.

But let me put this right here front and center:

Tell me how you love my body
And how I make you feel baby
You wanna roll with me
You wanna hold with me
You wanna stay warm and get out of the cold with me
I just love to hear you say it
It makes a man feel good baby
Tell me you depend on me
I need to hear it

Okay, well not that serious. Because on the real ... I love how we take it slow. It's great. I'm getting there. Hopefully you are. Just ... leave the door open for me?

Blah. ENOUGH OF ALL OF THAT.
I feel like I'm wasting my font, you know?

Lakers 96 - Trailblazers 83
We're a full game in first place now.
9 game winning streak.
Don't get on the bandwagon now haters.