hello's and goodbye's.

Mannn, I had a great sleep last night. It was AMAZING. It was raining and all, so the sounds of the water hitting the window were pretty soothing. I even managed to go to sleep comfortably even though Taya tried to scare the s-h-i-t out of me on the phone. We had a pretty nice conversation last night. She has the cuttttttest voice. I guess it's because she's so quiet and soft spoken and I'm loud and energetic and hyper.

We talked about how she deleted me off her yahoo...and her myspace.....and was just mean to me lol. Nah, but it was chill. Wasn't awkward like most first time phone calls are.

Someone else....whose name I won't say lol because they know who they are in the weird chance they're reading this, didn't call. Not that I expected them to. But it's all right I guess. I mean, I'm kind of hurt, but i wrote a lot about that below. On to other stuff.

Uhm, so Te'Querra hit me up on yahoo. What a random thing since she NEVER logs on anymore lol. We just said the "hi's" and "how are you?" 's and kept it moving. I mean, she's always a cool person to talk to. It's nice because we're good friends now and there's no stress of being romantically involved with her.

And I wrote a couple of songs today. I'm supposed to be quitting...but I can't. Everytime I go to work I just want to make it even more so I can walk in and just yell "I QUITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!" lmao.

...................

I want to say that i miss you. I want to just call you and just say, "I miss you." That's it. But there's something stopping me...and I don't know what. It's not pride...it's fear. You'll say it's because I'm young and whatever, I don't know. But I know what it is that's stopping me...it's because, I don't know what you're doing. What you did. In the times that we don't talk, I don't know what you're doing and I'm worried, I have to admit, that you found someone someone better than me. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. That's life, right? But I don't want to expose myself by saying I miss you and hearing, "Well Eric....uhm...there's this guy...."

Funny how not talking in a couple of days can make you wonder about all these different things. lol, if only you had a blog...then I could somehow see your feelings. But idk, I guess I'll be truthful. Many times I've sat back and thought to myself, "why don't you just give up Eric. Is she worth all of this?" And I sit...and I think...and think some more...And the answer is always, yes. Yes you're always worth it. But in the big picture, am I worth all of this? I know how girls are. I know how guys are. I know how humans are lol. We're slick. We manipulate. We do things that we don't tell others. And I for one am not into getting played. Although I do keep things from you, it's never anything hurtful. In the time we've been 'talking' I haven't done anything to another girl. Out of respect for what we have. But I worry often if you've done the same, or ventured a few times.

Maybe I shouldn't be playing this song that's playing in my headphones right now.

"It's never a right time to say goodbye...."

I don't want to say goodbye though. Just let me know...because it's killing me. Silence exposes all emotions. And maybe this is just us not talking for a few days...or maybe it's us winding down. Idk. =\ (i was going to put a smile like you always do lol)