I love the smell of rain. Or ozone. Whatever. All that matters is that I kind of love it.
This isn't going to be some deep blog about how rain washes away the old and brings in the new, although I am really wishing for that. The bringing in of new. Currently undergoing some light washing of old and it isn't as refreshing as say, an early morning drizzle during Spring.
I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want. This isn't voluntary thinking, but kind of forced upon me. I was asked (which was more like interrogated), "what do YOU want," and I couldn't really come up with a viable answer. That is, an answer that sounded good and wouldn't make the person madder, while also not putting me in an uncompromising position.
I have zero idea what it is that I want.
My view of happiness is ever-changing, meaning that what makes me happy today may not make me happy a week ago, and that doesn't sit well with people. People don't like it when you change. It's better for you to be stagnant, and consistent. That way they always know what to expect of you.
Unfortunately I wasn't built in a factory.
What I want is the most eluding thing in my life right now. If I could catch it, I'd be happy, and that is not ever-changing. My happiness hinges on knowing what I want, and knowing what I want depends on what'll make me happy.
You can imagine the problems that this causes in my life.
This isn't going to be some deep blog about how rain washes away the old and brings in the new, although I am really wishing for that. The bringing in of new. Currently undergoing some light washing of old and it isn't as refreshing as say, an early morning drizzle during Spring.
I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want. This isn't voluntary thinking, but kind of forced upon me. I was asked (which was more like interrogated), "what do YOU want," and I couldn't really come up with a viable answer. That is, an answer that sounded good and wouldn't make the person madder, while also not putting me in an uncompromising position.
I have zero idea what it is that I want.
My view of happiness is ever-changing, meaning that what makes me happy today may not make me happy a week ago, and that doesn't sit well with people. People don't like it when you change. It's better for you to be stagnant, and consistent. That way they always know what to expect of you.
Unfortunately I wasn't built in a factory.
What I want is the most eluding thing in my life right now. If I could catch it, I'd be happy, and that is not ever-changing. My happiness hinges on knowing what I want, and knowing what I want depends on what'll make me happy.
You can imagine the problems that this causes in my life.
There are sirens wailing somewhere outside my window. It's 6 a.m. Naive thinking, but some part of me believes that it's for us. I'm not entirely fooled though; I know that there have been way too many false alarms for there to be anything sent to rescue us.
I'm just so, so tired of trying. Tired of trying when I can so easily recall days where we didn't have to. Everything came easier. Conversations, laughs, even the disagreements -- they would come and go, because nothing was allowed to get in between of what was building.
What brought us together tore us apart. Slowly. Divisively.
Now I feel trapped in my bed. Somehow I have to go out into the world and act as if this never happened. I have to face my day with diminished hope. And I'll be ok, I know I will. 100%? No. But a little bit, and that makes me feel like a traitor.
I honestly just wish you thought differently. And that I didn't have these obvious trust issues. "Crushed up, 'cause I fucked up."
But moreso that you thought differently.
I'm just so, so tired of trying. Tired of trying when I can so easily recall days where we didn't have to. Everything came easier. Conversations, laughs, even the disagreements -- they would come and go, because nothing was allowed to get in between of what was building.
What brought us together tore us apart. Slowly. Divisively.
Now I feel trapped in my bed. Somehow I have to go out into the world and act as if this never happened. I have to face my day with diminished hope. And I'll be ok, I know I will. 100%? No. But a little bit, and that makes me feel like a traitor.
I honestly just wish you thought differently. And that I didn't have these obvious trust issues. "Crushed up, 'cause I fucked up."
But moreso that you thought differently.
She would never let me write about her. In the beginning I
pleaded, as to me it was very important. “It’s nothing bad, just how I’m
feeling,” I would tell her, to no avail. It was not that I wanted to disclose
the inner thoughts and feelings that I felt towards her. Instead, it was lack
of social companionship that made it necessary for me to write out the things
that I was unable to verbally dispose.
I should have known then that things were not to get much
better. A writer has to write. If you deprive him from that, or force him not
to write what he truly wants to then you’re removing a piece of him that is as
necessary for living as the blood that travels through his heart. That may not
have been the beginning of the end, but it was the start to a series of
sacrifices that offered little.
"All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty." - Proverbs 14:23
Someone on my facebook had that as their status, and after reading I realized (besides the fact I never read the Bible anymore) that this instantly needed to become my mantra for 2012. What use is screaming, "I don't want to be broke no mo'" when my work ethic doesn't match? Better yet, I'm applying this to every facet of my life, including working out. Just replace profit with ripped body, and poverty with fatness.
Yesterday my mom and I signed up for this fitness center in our neighborhood, and I stayed for a couple of hours and played basketball. I honestly did not realize how out of shape I was until I was out of breath only about five minutes in. When I came home, I went right to sleep after showering, and woke up sore. BAD!
I'm headed back there in a few minutes though, to keep up with this pace of bettering my life. And today begins the week of me preparing for what should be my best weekend of 2012. Exciting things are happening at the end of this week, and I'm EXTREMELY nervous. Excited too, but nervous.
Oh, and I'm still working on a mixtape. Lmao.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad that Thanksgiving is over. I'd also be lying if I said that I actually cared whether it was over or not. Most of my holidays get condensed and chopped up by means of me having to either work, mope around in my own melancholy, and imagine how my future holidays will turn out.
This Thanksgiving was spent largely by myself in my room mixing in bouts of watching football with cat naps. Most of my family went to Memphis to be with more of my family, but because of work I was stuck here. Or maybe not stuck since that's kind of how I prefer most of my days anyway. In the comfort of my room where I can sleep, or play Playstation, or surf the internet or just feel bad for myself -- sometimes I mix that last one in while doing the other ones.
I showed a little restraint last night. I went out to the mall to buy the pair of Jordans that released. That was my intent. Got there around 1:30 a.m. and there was already a line forming. I was about 13th in line, not bad. The store was opening at 6. Yeah, 6. I ended up going home and saving my money. I didn't want the shoes as much as I thought I did, kind of just wanted them because everyone else was getting them. I'm a little too old to be doing that regarding shoes. I only need to purchase the ones I really want.
That was kind of a smart decision seeing as how I have more than a few things to pay for in the next few months. School tuition payments, getting my mom a Kindle Fire for Christmas, a car, George's gift, and a gift for the woman I'm talking to. She actually already bought me something, something really nice. Meanwhile, I'm at a complete loss as to what to get her. I don't shop for people, especially someone like this.
All of that means that I would love a second job to be able to live somewhat more comfortably. I just want to inch towards comfortable. Sometimes I wonder how it feels to not stress about money. That just has to feel amazing ...
This Thanksgiving was spent largely by myself in my room mixing in bouts of watching football with cat naps. Most of my family went to Memphis to be with more of my family, but because of work I was stuck here. Or maybe not stuck since that's kind of how I prefer most of my days anyway. In the comfort of my room where I can sleep, or play Playstation, or surf the internet or just feel bad for myself -- sometimes I mix that last one in while doing the other ones.
I showed a little restraint last night. I went out to the mall to buy the pair of Jordans that released. That was my intent. Got there around 1:30 a.m. and there was already a line forming. I was about 13th in line, not bad. The store was opening at 6. Yeah, 6. I ended up going home and saving my money. I didn't want the shoes as much as I thought I did, kind of just wanted them because everyone else was getting them. I'm a little too old to be doing that regarding shoes. I only need to purchase the ones I really want.
That was kind of a smart decision seeing as how I have more than a few things to pay for in the next few months. School tuition payments, getting my mom a Kindle Fire for Christmas, a car, George's gift, and a gift for the woman I'm talking to. She actually already bought me something, something really nice. Meanwhile, I'm at a complete loss as to what to get her. I don't shop for people, especially someone like this.
All of that means that I would love a second job to be able to live somewhat more comfortably. I just want to inch towards comfortable. Sometimes I wonder how it feels to not stress about money. That just has to feel amazing ...
I have a strong feeling a few of my friends are mad/upset at me because I didn't attend a birthday celebration at a club Saturday night. If it would've been anywhere BUT at a club I would've went, but it wasn't so I stayed home. I felt slightly bad, yet not really at all.
This is another instance in which my friends and I are so far apart that their likes and my likes don't even make sense. They love the club. Love it. I, on the other hand, can't stand it. It just isn't for me. When I go I find myself having fun for a few minutes and then the rest of the time is spent trying to keep up with everyone else. The only feeling I get is just the feeling of being there. Not there, but there. To be quite honest I'm tired of placing myself in situations I don't feel comfortable in just to appease others. I don't care anymore if it makes me look selfish or like a bad friend because I've rarely felt as if any of my friends have done things that they didn't want to just to be a good friend to me. This can be tied into not even being able to go to the Dom Kennedy concert because my friend didn't have a new outfit.
Just sometimes I'd like to not feel as if the people around me were 'take take take', just taking from me because they know I'd be there.
This is another instance in which my friends and I are so far apart that their likes and my likes don't even make sense. They love the club. Love it. I, on the other hand, can't stand it. It just isn't for me. When I go I find myself having fun for a few minutes and then the rest of the time is spent trying to keep up with everyone else. The only feeling I get is just the feeling of being there. Not there, but there. To be quite honest I'm tired of placing myself in situations I don't feel comfortable in just to appease others. I don't care anymore if it makes me look selfish or like a bad friend because I've rarely felt as if any of my friends have done things that they didn't want to just to be a good friend to me. This can be tied into not even being able to go to the Dom Kennedy concert because my friend didn't have a new outfit.
Just sometimes I'd like to not feel as if the people around me were 'take take take', just taking from me because they know I'd be there.
I almost forgot to post this. This was quick-write. I was looking online for writing prompts, and one of them was about a villain. This is what I wrote in about 20 minutes.
There will come a time when this is found and everything I have done will be discovered. I don’t fear that day because I sense that I will be long gone. Maybe on an island somewhere, drinking something specially made by the bartender. Chances are I may end up in a room shared by others, my schedule predetermined for me. Whatever it is, I’ll cling to the fact that my name shall carry on long after I have departed. That is what I work for.The first time was the easiest. It was pure adrenaline, with little to no planning. I acted off of impulse. See girl. Follow girl. The struggle only intensified the rage building inside of me; the rage I felt had to be dealt back to those who oppressed me. That’s always how these stories go right? Nerd gets picked on and retaliates. Newspapers lament the popular ones and dismiss the scourge as insane.No, insane is not the word to describe me. Vengeful maybe, but I am in complete control of my mind. A little more than others perhaps. My mind is not filled with the fatuous, nonsensical things of ordinary people. I don’t consume myself with thoughts of love, or silly hopeful dreams. I focus on the tangible. Only on things that I can see, what can grace my fingertips.Nothing has felt better than cold skin.I guess in writing this I’m giving you all a glimpse into my world. Society has always been fascinated by those that they deem sociopaths. Deep down they admire them, for they could never act on their emotions with the veracity of those that terrorize. Dailies plaster them on the front page with their name in bold font, faces on the tv until they become household names. Then in ten, twenty years teenagers and young people idolize them while never knowing why. It’s just cool.Consider this entry one. - David Foster.
It's me, the absent blogger.
I had a stressful 1/3 of my day, but right now, 40 minutes before I go into work, I'm feeling better just listening to Marathon by Tennis.
I have a plan, and it'll probably increase the number of times you see something from me on this blog. I haven't been writing as much as I want to, and when I say as much as I want to, I mean never. So I'm going to try to write every day. Every single day. Set aside 30 minutes or an hour to write. This'll probably cut down on the time I can spend playing COD or watching porn, but I think I've done those enough in my lifetime lol. I also want to start entering some literary contests. Thinking about it kind of seems daunting, but then I remember how I came in 2nd for a story I wrote in two hours last semester at school, so I think if I put more work into something I may come up with a decent piece. This means reading more, because I always feel more creative reading stories.
That's basically it. What an update huh? Lol.
I had a stressful 1/3 of my day, but right now, 40 minutes before I go into work, I'm feeling better just listening to Marathon by Tennis.
I have a plan, and it'll probably increase the number of times you see something from me on this blog. I haven't been writing as much as I want to, and when I say as much as I want to, I mean never. So I'm going to try to write every day. Every single day. Set aside 30 minutes or an hour to write. This'll probably cut down on the time I can spend playing COD or watching porn, but I think I've done those enough in my lifetime lol. I also want to start entering some literary contests. Thinking about it kind of seems daunting, but then I remember how I came in 2nd for a story I wrote in two hours last semester at school, so I think if I put more work into something I may come up with a decent piece. This means reading more, because I always feel more creative reading stories.
That's basically it. What an update huh? Lol.
My favorite lens, jizz jizz. I have the one on the far left, one day hopefully I'll the one to the far right.
I'm officially done with the photos from the last shoot, and planning another shoot. This one is going to be for me, and I'm probably going to have to get a hotel room to do it. I think (okay, I know) that I gradually want to build a portfolio and I plan on the photos from this shoot I'm planning to be the first ones in it.
The more I look at and edit her pictures the more I think she looks like my friend Ashley. Or maybe not, but sort of. Anyway, in an awkward moment, she asked my mom for my number. When my mom told me I laughed, and then deflected the conversation. But then I started thinking, "hmm, maybe I should go out with her." The only thing is, though I'm not with someone else I feel like they give me pretty much enough to make me happy ... except physically. Though I'm awaiting that moment. So it became an instance in my head where I thought, am I ready to ignore new girls because I really like the current girl? I think so. It took me awhile to find someone I look forward to talking to each and every day, and I'm not sure I'm quite ready to potentially destroy that.
But I'm doing too much talking. It's only Tuesday and I'm already ready for the weekend. I have a lot to accomplish this week and I need to get on my shit. Time to be proactive! ... and stuff.
The more I look at and edit her pictures the more I think she looks like my friend Ashley. Or maybe not, but sort of. Anyway, in an awkward moment, she asked my mom for my number. When my mom told me I laughed, and then deflected the conversation. But then I started thinking, "hmm, maybe I should go out with her." The only thing is, though I'm not with someone else I feel like they give me pretty much enough to make me happy ... except physically. Though I'm awaiting that moment. So it became an instance in my head where I thought, am I ready to ignore new girls because I really like the current girl? I think so. It took me awhile to find someone I look forward to talking to each and every day, and I'm not sure I'm quite ready to potentially destroy that.
But I'm doing too much talking. It's only Tuesday and I'm already ready for the weekend. I have a lot to accomplish this week and I need to get on my shit. Time to be proactive! ... and stuff.
It's Sunday morning. 4:24am.
So yesterday I purchased my first item EVER from Amazon.com. I'm not really that big of a fan of buying things online, but I felt it was necessary. Yesterday morning I picked up some prints from the camera shop and decided to get hoods for my lenses. A hood for my 18-55mm was only like, $13 but one for my 50mm would have been $39.99. I wasn't really ready to spend $40 on that so I just got the one for my 18-55 and left. When I got home I found the same one for my 50mm on Amazon for like, $2, plus $4 in shipping. Sounds a lot better than $40 to me, lol.
I went to the mall after leaving the camera shop and saw that they had the Griffey's I've been waiting on. They were supposed to come out on the 10th but released yesterday instead. I'm glad I got these because I don't have any more money to be spending on shoes. Well, besides another pair coming out on the 20th that I really want, the Metallic/Black 5's. After that I'm good until the Holiday season when the Cement 3's and Concords are coming out. Though I do plan on getting a pair of grey Vans, the pair I talked about on my "fashion blog."
So yesterday I purchased my first item EVER from Amazon.com. I'm not really that big of a fan of buying things online, but I felt it was necessary. Yesterday morning I picked up some prints from the camera shop and decided to get hoods for my lenses. A hood for my 18-55mm was only like, $13 but one for my 50mm would have been $39.99. I wasn't really ready to spend $40 on that so I just got the one for my 18-55 and left. When I got home I found the same one for my 50mm on Amazon for like, $2, plus $4 in shipping. Sounds a lot better than $40 to me, lol.
I went to the mall after leaving the camera shop and saw that they had the Griffey's I've been waiting on. They were supposed to come out on the 10th but released yesterday instead. I'm glad I got these because I don't have any more money to be spending on shoes. Well, besides another pair coming out on the 20th that I really want, the Metallic/Black 5's. After that I'm good until the Holiday season when the Cement 3's and Concords are coming out. Though I do plan on getting a pair of grey Vans, the pair I talked about on my "fashion blog."
I just realized I won't be able to do this.
My trust issues ... I thought I was past all of that, that I grew up. That I matured and was ready but I don't even know. And this isn't me writing this because I went through something with her. Nah, we had the same cool night as always, ended with a positive conversation and whatnot.
I had a dream a couple of days ago that I was drowning in the Mississippi River and when I woke up I immediately somehow related that to me not being able to be in a relationship. I can't get that deep without being scared. I can't do it. I've been fucked over before and I know at some point you gotta move past that but I think I'd rather complain of not having someone special and fucking with whoever I wanted than to have someone special and give them the opportunity to fuck me over.
I can do all of the things that make me a good catch, remember what I'm supposed to remember, listen to you, care for you ... but I can't indulge in opening myself up to get hurt. I have to back away. I have to. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm ranting right now for no particular reason, mainly because I know I can't do this on twitter or tumblr or facebook or wherever. I actually only got on here to respond to the comments from my last post, which I will ... but yeah. Ever since that dream this was on my mind.
I don't want to be vulnerable to getting fucked over by another girl. I can't allow it.
My trust issues ... I thought I was past all of that, that I grew up. That I matured and was ready but I don't even know. And this isn't me writing this because I went through something with her. Nah, we had the same cool night as always, ended with a positive conversation and whatnot.
I had a dream a couple of days ago that I was drowning in the Mississippi River and when I woke up I immediately somehow related that to me not being able to be in a relationship. I can't get that deep without being scared. I can't do it. I've been fucked over before and I know at some point you gotta move past that but I think I'd rather complain of not having someone special and fucking with whoever I wanted than to have someone special and give them the opportunity to fuck me over.
I can do all of the things that make me a good catch, remember what I'm supposed to remember, listen to you, care for you ... but I can't indulge in opening myself up to get hurt. I have to back away. I have to. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm ranting right now for no particular reason, mainly because I know I can't do this on twitter or tumblr or facebook or wherever. I actually only got on here to respond to the comments from my last post, which I will ... but yeah. Ever since that dream this was on my mind.
I don't want to be vulnerable to getting fucked over by another girl. I can't allow it.
I shot some photos yesterday. Been a while since I had a focused shoot. It went pretty well and I am pretty glad that I agreed to do it. I'm still editing the pics, but I did work on a couple a little bit. It was a brother and sister shoot for my mom's bosses kids.
I'm currently awake at 5:16 am and am starting to feel the effects of sleepiness. I went over a friend's house and took a 30 minute nap before we decided to go out. And since that point I've just been up. I'm planning on sleeping around 6, 6:30. I don't want to be awake during the day because then I'll go somewhere and spend money, lol. And waste gas. The things I do to try to save a few bucks. I got my tuition bill in the mail, it's due August 4th. WELP. I definitely don't have the money but we'll see. I'm probably going to have to pay it monthly or whatever like I did last year. That's a lot better I guess but I hate having such a large amount go to something that doesn't make me happy.
Somewhere in-between that I have to buy my ticket to Florida, probably in September. That's if things progress naturally and positively. I'm hoping they do because it'd make me happy, but at the same time it's scary. I don't even want to talk about it, lol. [or write about it I guess]
Oh, and here's a video of me being stupid and rapping lol.
I'm currently awake at 5:16 am and am starting to feel the effects of sleepiness. I went over a friend's house and took a 30 minute nap before we decided to go out. And since that point I've just been up. I'm planning on sleeping around 6, 6:30. I don't want to be awake during the day because then I'll go somewhere and spend money, lol. And waste gas. The things I do to try to save a few bucks. I got my tuition bill in the mail, it's due August 4th. WELP. I definitely don't have the money but we'll see. I'm probably going to have to pay it monthly or whatever like I did last year. That's a lot better I guess but I hate having such a large amount go to something that doesn't make me happy.
Somewhere in-between that I have to buy my ticket to Florida, probably in September. That's if things progress naturally and positively. I'm hoping they do because it'd make me happy, but at the same time it's scary. I don't even want to talk about it, lol. [or write about it I guess]
Oh, and here's a video of me being stupid and rapping lol.
I find myself looking at a particular person from my past and wondering what it is that I saw in them, and why it isn't there anymore. Maybe I removed myself from them and am not being exposed to it anymore, but I don't think that's the case. I think I took them for a better person than they really are. Or I misjudged. Or that that better person that I saw, just isn't the one on display most of the time.
I don't concern myself with it much, only fleetingly. There's another person from my past that's now in my present and that has me almost content. And instead of fleeting moments of my judgement, they bring fleeting moments of happiness.
I don't try to understand people anymore, or why they think/do what they do. I think most people are horrible creatures. I gather this from things I see on fb and Tumblr. Not the news, but what I see directly from my peers. I guess what passes for sarcasm and jokes these days goes over my head. I'm probably just getting old. I'm tired of judging stuff though. Who the hell am I to judge anything, I'm probably only halfway decent. I just keep seeing depressing moments of life, but the good thing is some people make me feel as if my future can have more than its share of happy moments. And that honestly keeps me going. (how cheesy)
I don't concern myself with it much, only fleetingly. There's another person from my past that's now in my present and that has me almost content. And instead of fleeting moments of my judgement, they bring fleeting moments of happiness.
I don't try to understand people anymore, or why they think/do what they do. I think most people are horrible creatures. I gather this from things I see on fb and Tumblr. Not the news, but what I see directly from my peers. I guess what passes for sarcasm and jokes these days goes over my head. I'm probably just getting old. I'm tired of judging stuff though. Who the hell am I to judge anything, I'm probably only halfway decent. I just keep seeing depressing moments of life, but the good thing is some people make me feel as if my future can have more than its share of happy moments. And that honestly keeps me going. (how cheesy)
I've been trying to write a post on here for about a week, to no avail. Mainly because I can't think of anything meaningful to write on here.
I've been going through these bouts of extreme sleepiness from not being able to sleep when I'm supposed to. I have a small window to sleep, and I'm missing it because I'm not that tired, and then I end up coming home from work and sleeping through my first class in the morning. Not good, lol. What is good is that my classes for the summer are starting to draw to a close. I've finished my Sociology class and all that is left is my math and Applied Journalism course.
Because of the no sleep thing, I'm mad at myself for taking this position as Asst. Editor of the school paper. My mom says it's a good opportunity and I shouldn't pass things like this up, but you know what? I'm not sure I even care. I'm supposed to dedicate an extra 10-15 hours a week to this, and I'm not sure where I'm going to find that time. I honestly don't, and I'm taking another math course next semester that I NEED to pass. After that I'll have fulfilled all of my math requirements. The only good thing that I've been able to find in this whole editor thing is getting a half-scholarship, but honestly, that isn't even that much.
I guess I'm planning on using the money that I'll be saving on some trips. How many times do I say that? Lol. I'm just a bad planner, I get stressed out and cancel shit. Hopefully I can follow through with these trips. Actually, because I want to see someone I pretty much know I'm going to follow through with the trip. That's a whole 'nother blog that I won't be writing though.
Along those lines though ... I'm so disinterested in every woman except one, and she's the aforementioned person. Besides that I just feel annoyed by most females. After this experience with this chick here about a month ago I've been slowing down on messing with these women which is cool but that directly coincided with the early stages of talking to someone. But I've still been a little savage-like here and it wasn't until a couple of days talking to my homeboy that I thought, "ah nah, I'm losing my lowkey status here in my city, time to slow my roll." Lol.
Damn, this turned into a legit blog entry, didn't it? It's 5:25am though and I need to shower and sleep so I'm about to flip a coin and see which one will happen.
I've been going through these bouts of extreme sleepiness from not being able to sleep when I'm supposed to. I have a small window to sleep, and I'm missing it because I'm not that tired, and then I end up coming home from work and sleeping through my first class in the morning. Not good, lol. What is good is that my classes for the summer are starting to draw to a close. I've finished my Sociology class and all that is left is my math and Applied Journalism course.
Because of the no sleep thing, I'm mad at myself for taking this position as Asst. Editor of the school paper. My mom says it's a good opportunity and I shouldn't pass things like this up, but you know what? I'm not sure I even care. I'm supposed to dedicate an extra 10-15 hours a week to this, and I'm not sure where I'm going to find that time. I honestly don't, and I'm taking another math course next semester that I NEED to pass. After that I'll have fulfilled all of my math requirements. The only good thing that I've been able to find in this whole editor thing is getting a half-scholarship, but honestly, that isn't even that much.
I guess I'm planning on using the money that I'll be saving on some trips. How many times do I say that? Lol. I'm just a bad planner, I get stressed out and cancel shit. Hopefully I can follow through with these trips. Actually, because I want to see someone I pretty much know I'm going to follow through with the trip. That's a whole 'nother blog that I won't be writing though.
Along those lines though ... I'm so disinterested in every woman except one, and she's the aforementioned person. Besides that I just feel annoyed by most females. After this experience with this chick here about a month ago I've been slowing down on messing with these women which is cool but that directly coincided with the early stages of talking to someone. But I've still been a little savage-like here and it wasn't until a couple of days talking to my homeboy that I thought, "ah nah, I'm losing my lowkey status here in my city, time to slow my roll." Lol.
Damn, this turned into a legit blog entry, didn't it? It's 5:25am though and I need to shower and sleep so I'm about to flip a coin and see which one will happen.
There most definitely will be a July mix. Most definitely.
Enjoying my summer despite working every night and going to school every day has been hard, but I've managed to get out on the weekends. I'm not much of a "go out every weekend" type of guy but I've been on that for the past three or so weekends. Kind of cool to just chill out with friends though, I must admit. I miss a lot of things that go on being holed up in my room so it's nice to get out there sometimes.
I'm working on so many things too. Quite ridiculous. Made a big step-up at school and had a talk with my teacher that runs our school paper and I'm pretty much going to be Assistant Editor of our school's paper next semester. Best thing about that is getting a scholarship. Not sure how much but considering I pay everything out of pocket anything is helpful.
Also got my first paid shoot coming up sometime soon. And along with that, two other (non-paid) shoots with friends, mainly for practice and hopefully to build a portfolio. Gah, let me not talk about my photography and the complete lack of risks that I take with it. I'm so very lazy and nonchalant which is NOT GOOD! So let's hope I can kick myself in the right direction.
I've been saving up money but for the next two weeks I'm going to be SO broke. Not even going to look towards my stash, just going to live the poor life. I'm buying some photo equipment this weekend and then there's things like gas and my phone bill. And car insurance. No bueno! Not sure why I haven't ever looked for a new job but it is what it is. I've stopped buying unnecessary shit but I guess it all depends on what you think is unnecessary.
Anyway, some shots from this weekend.
Enjoying my summer despite working every night and going to school every day has been hard, but I've managed to get out on the weekends. I'm not much of a "go out every weekend" type of guy but I've been on that for the past three or so weekends. Kind of cool to just chill out with friends though, I must admit. I miss a lot of things that go on being holed up in my room so it's nice to get out there sometimes.
I'm working on so many things too. Quite ridiculous. Made a big step-up at school and had a talk with my teacher that runs our school paper and I'm pretty much going to be Assistant Editor of our school's paper next semester. Best thing about that is getting a scholarship. Not sure how much but considering I pay everything out of pocket anything is helpful.
Also got my first paid shoot coming up sometime soon. And along with that, two other (non-paid) shoots with friends, mainly for practice and hopefully to build a portfolio. Gah, let me not talk about my photography and the complete lack of risks that I take with it. I'm so very lazy and nonchalant which is NOT GOOD! So let's hope I can kick myself in the right direction.
I've been saving up money but for the next two weeks I'm going to be SO broke. Not even going to look towards my stash, just going to live the poor life. I'm buying some photo equipment this weekend and then there's things like gas and my phone bill. And car insurance. No bueno! Not sure why I haven't ever looked for a new job but it is what it is. I've stopped buying unnecessary shit but I guess it all depends on what you think is unnecessary.
Anyway, some shots from this weekend.
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